he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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