Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
