I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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