next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
