just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
