After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
