I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
