I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize