He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
