so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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