you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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