i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
