How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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