Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
