I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
