His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
