my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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