I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
