I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
