I look better un-naked...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
