his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
