flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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