dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
