Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
