One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
