I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
