i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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