Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
