So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
