There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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