i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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