totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
