Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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