I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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