You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
