How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
