is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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