She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
