Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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