I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
