no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
