are you so shy because you have an std?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
