dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize