i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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