Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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