It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
