if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
