Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
