I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
