It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
