just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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