I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can't special order awesome
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
