shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
