Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
