i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
