I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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