shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
