I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
