why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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