it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
