you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
