Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize