I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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