it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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