bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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