the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
