I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
