didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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