thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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