All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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