i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
