Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
