it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
