somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
