morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
