i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
