My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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